BREATHE
Today is a very hard post but I feel I need to make it.
My mother passed away Sunday afternoon peacefully. Watching her struggle to breathe over the last few days broke my heart. Watching her grow weaker and weaker tore my heart out. My mom had a long life and deserved so much more than what her life handed her. Making her smile or laugh during her final days filled me with her love. Our last conversation was a very happy conversation about me getting my girls to come see her. She smiled, laughed and gave a thumbs up. My mom was a very special lady and over the last few days I realized even more how special she was. If I could have had five more minutes I would have called my hubby and had him bring the girls down on Saturday. If I had had five more minutes I would have rubbed more lotion on her hands telling her about the girls and how much Natalie is like me and she is giving me more grief than I ever gave her as a child. I would have done my mom's hair again in a pebbles ponytail that made her laugh the first night I helped the nurse give her a bath. I would have read another psalm to her or just sat and held her hand five more minutes. I would have showed her more pictures on my computer of the girls. I would have helped her sip more water from a straw or syringe defying the nurses orders each time. I would have just loved to have sat next to her in bed as she was sleeping, holding her hand.
What I wouldn't give to have just five more minutes of her time.
My mom was an extrodinary woman and in the words of my oldest daughter -
I am not sure that I am going to get through this week or not. I am really struggling hourly. I am praying that I can celebrate my mom's life and give her the dignity that she deserved!!!!
My mother passed away Sunday afternoon peacefully. Watching her struggle to breathe over the last few days broke my heart. Watching her grow weaker and weaker tore my heart out. My mom had a long life and deserved so much more than what her life handed her. Making her smile or laugh during her final days filled me with her love. Our last conversation was a very happy conversation about me getting my girls to come see her. She smiled, laughed and gave a thumbs up. My mom was a very special lady and over the last few days I realized even more how special she was. If I could have had five more minutes I would have called my hubby and had him bring the girls down on Saturday. If I had had five more minutes I would have rubbed more lotion on her hands telling her about the girls and how much Natalie is like me and she is giving me more grief than I ever gave her as a child. I would have done my mom's hair again in a pebbles ponytail that made her laugh the first night I helped the nurse give her a bath. I would have read another psalm to her or just sat and held her hand five more minutes. I would have showed her more pictures on my computer of the girls. I would have helped her sip more water from a straw or syringe defying the nurses orders each time. I would have just loved to have sat next to her in bed as she was sleeping, holding her hand.
What I wouldn't give to have just five more minutes of her time.
My mom was an extrodinary woman and in the words of my oldest daughter -
"Grammy was a wonderful person mom who deserves to be celebrated and we need to Praise God that she is resting with him now."
I am not sure that I am going to get through this week or not. I am really struggling hourly. I am praying that I can celebrate my mom's life and give her the dignity that she deserved!!!!
posted by B at 8/28/2006 08:36:00 PM
5 Comments:
You have my prayers. I lost my mama in 1993. She was just 63. My children were not able to go with me to see her (hospice care, 700 miles away, and they were just 5 and 7).They only remember her from the pictures I've shown them.
I wasn't able to grieve for a long time but when it finally came I allowed myself the full volley of pain and loss because without that I couldn't truly experience healing. You need to allow yourself to grieve in any way you need to. Ignore people who say that you should 'move on'. They're not in your skin.
Today, I find I miss her often, but I have the confidence and assurance that we will be together again. There's where the peace is. And though my children grew up without her, they too, will see her again. Of that, I'm sure.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's never easy.
oh i am so sorry. tears were in my eyes reading your post! i'll be praying for you and your family.
please please don't 2nd guess what or how you spent your time with her. I'm sure she appreciated it all. what your daughter said is wonderful! what a smart girl!
hugs!
I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful post & what a lovely quote from your daughter! You will all be in my prayers as you make it through the coming week!
My sympathies and prayers are with you and yours.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My sympathies and prayers are with you and yours.
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