Thursday, September 21, 2006

Faith in God builds a Confident Woman

Confidence is Faith in God.
Confidence is Faith in Action!

These are the words that Joyce used to open her conference tonight! What an awesome way to start a Women's Conference entitled - How to be a Confident Woman!

What I learned tonight (what NATALIE and I learned tonight) was the Faith get's out of the boat and walks on the water - EVEN WHEN NO ONE ELSE WILL! Faith takes that first step even when the person making the step can't swim.

  • Confidence is that Positive Attitude that can only come through Faith in Christ!
  • Confidence is focusing on what you can do - not what you can't do.
  • Confidence is looking forward not backwards, UP not down.
  • Confidence is letting God work THROUGH your WEAKNESSES!!!!!
Eph 3:17 - Confident Women know they are loved. God know's your past faults, your broken promises, your failures, but he also knows your sucesses, wins, attributes and your future. God does love you - he always did even before time began (Psalm 139)

Heb 10:38
- Confident women know that GOD IS BIGGER THAN THE BOOGIE man and they refuse to live in fear! Through his Love their is no fear (I gotta work on this one! SO does Nat! We made a pact tonight!)

In the alter call Chris Caine (yes she is here too!!!) talked about the confidence we have in Christ because he died, rose again on the third day - after defeating the devil. We have confidence because Christ LIVES! Not only does he live - he lives IN US! We ALL, in Christ, have the ability to be confident.

Okay - while I would love to meditate on this more and share more - my baby girl is snoring, sound asleep. I am heading that way.....

More tomorrow.....

Be Confident
In Christ
Through Christ
With Christ!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Perfect Woman

So here I am at work...... and I check my email.....
Shhhhh don't tell anyone......

Sitting in my in box from my Mother-in-law (very dear lady) is an email with this link.

The Perfect Woman (and no I am not talking about Proverbs 31!)

You have to go here - it is so worth it and funny. True to boot almost..... depends on which gender angle you are coming from I guess......

Have a great day everyone! Hopefully more than 5 minutes of knitting will be done today!!!!!

Sunday, September 10, 2006

What I have been working on....

Comfort Knitting!

Okay - while in my mom's hospital room and the travels to there I started a skirt for Natalie.

BTW - check out the cool bag......

I put my supplies in it... It's from my Secret pal!!! Better than the ziploc I carted it down to Florida in!

I pulled the skirt out today. It was rather mindless. My mother thought it was pretty. Perhaps that is where I found the comfort?

Mom never knitted but I am sure - if she had been introduced to the cool yarns and patterns of today she might have considered it. My mom was more into cross stitch, needlepoint, macrame (spelling I know) and beading.

Perhaps I was able to knit it because it WAS comforting - sitting on my couch by the window with the gloomy weather looming over. Actually this weather is nice - it is about 70 out, windy (again when is it NOT windy in Chicago) and misting out all day. Knock it down a few degrees and you have England weather.

Oddly enough I haven't been able to pull out the socks that I was working on or the wrist warmers. They sit in their lil bag waiting for me to return, patiently waiting I might add.

I was so excited last night when I came across this..... this is a co-worker/friend that left a few months ago to go work in Uganda. I love reading her blog and all her experiences. Please keep her in your prayers and thoughts.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

A slap upside the head!

Every once in a while God uses life's events to slap us upside the head and pull us in closer. Now - don't get me wrong - I am not NOT not saying that God is using my mother's death to pull me closer or slap me upside the head. I think it is only our human nature to look at our own mortalitiy when someone close to us dies - and as a mom and wife - my mother's death struck me in ways I am still coming to grips with (and I am sure it will continue to do this for months in the future). For example - I had a major panic attach lastnight (or like 0300 this morning when I got home from work) that at any moment God may call me home and my girls would be alone (as well as my DH). I felt this profound loss for my girls and was literally sitting up in bed hyperventilating. I remember crying out to God in prayer for comfort and peace - and just as I was starting to drift off to sleep Rowan came and climbed in bed with me. Such comfort!!!!

After I returned home to Chicago - not being able to do much of anything - I started (again for like the FIFTH time) a study of the Psalms. Psalms are beautiful chapters in the bible that is full of praise, prayers, laments and songs. A perfect study for me right now. I wish I could say I am doing it on my own but I am using THIS as a guide. About four days into the study I thought - "hmmmmm my dad might like this or find it very comforting." I then preceded to print off the studies with little notes on them and I am sending one a day to him. Each letter is prayed over that my dad might find comfort, wisdom, or more of God in them.

I myself - am drawing close to God - like I haven't in a while. Many of you that know me know that I am a CONTROL freak. If I am not in control then I FREAK. However, there is a growing part in me that is longing, craving, crying out to NOT be in control. I don't want to lead, I don't want to be the strong one, I don't want to be the one that is ALWAYS making the decisions. I want to follow for once (or twice, or three times.....) The last three weeks - while I haven't truly appreciated it - I have been falling more and more on God. At first it was for discernment. It then grew to Grace and Mercy. Then it grew to comfort. Now I find I am falling on him to get me through the day. While other aspects of my life are still under my anal and scrutinous control - MY LIFE is completely in God's hands right now. It is very unsettling but - at the same time - a HUGE relief.

So - do I think that my mom's death was a way for God to slap me upside the head and pull me in...... no. I think that God uses ALL things for the greater good of his plan. My mom died. She is no longer in pain, she can breathe freely, hear the most muted tones, her heart is full of life and she is running through a wide open field smiling, laughing and at PEACE. While I am full of sorrow, laments, anger (I am stuck in the anger mode of grief now) and other emotions I am not sure of - I know that good will come from this. It's in God's hands and already apart of his plan.

The new testament rading I chose for her service was so fitting and hard for me to read that day..... I now realize why.....

The New Jerusalem
1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

5 He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

6 He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. 7 He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.

With all of that said I wanted to thank EVERYONE for their prayers, thoughts and notes. Each one gave me comfort and cyber hugs!

THANK YOU BonnieRosefor the lovely parcel that showed up on my doorstep yesterday as I was heading out to work. It was so sweet and made my day!!!!! (my camera's batteries are recharging as I type! AND YES you are invited!!!! Please still come to visit!!!

THANK YOU to my Pastor and his wife for all the support and prayers these past few weeks.

THANK YOU Lorinda for your prayers and your invite for a GIRLS afternoon! I am getting my planner out now!!!


Now - with my first day alone and off from work - I am trying to get the energy or inspiration to scrapbook or knit.

It is a cool, breezy (when is the WIND NOT BLOWING in Chicago) overcast day out and perfect for curling up and reading....

I think I am just going to VEG. What a concept.... Veg!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006


First I would like to thank EVERYONE who posted on my blog their prayers, condolances and thoughts!!!! They have gratefully been recieved by both myself and my family.

While the passing of my mother meant that God restored her failed hearing, failing heart, lungs and kidneys and finally gave her peace - the void is very hard to replace. I was trying to figure out how I felt in the last twenty four hours when I finally had a chance to RELAX..... BREATHE and grieve. Planning a funneral leaves one little time to actually grieve. Even while at the funneral home for visitation it is as you almost HAVE to be on and social. I am NOT a social person. I am an introvert and really don't care much for small talk. So - as you can imagine - the visitation and funneral were personally hard for me. Laying my mother to rest was hard enough - trying to remember people from years ago, make small talk to people I really either don't know or never knew was difficult at best and finding a small down time of grieving room was not possible. Most of the week and on into the weekend I felt like an egg that was carelessly snatched from the carton, jostled and dropped on the floor. The egg shell (my facade) cracked and shattered, the insides spewed out on the floor in a congealed mass of yellow mixing with amber clear ooze (my heart and soul). Eventually someone will take the time to wipe up the mess with a hard abrasive papertowel (the closure that the funneral processional at the church was suppose to provide) - but until that time it continues to ooze across the floor mixing colors and making things even messier.

Someone attempts to place the egg shell back together with watery glue, delicate tools and a mold representing the egg from before the fall - but it shoes the cracks and missing pieces never found after the fall. Beyond the fact that the egg is now shattered and never the same - it's hollow inside.

I know many people say take it one day at a time, one breath at a time, one task at a time. I said those very same words to my dad this morning. But in reality - the thought of any of these motions makes me paralized with fear that I can not go on. As it is now I find myself starting several things - finishing none (that includes unpacking.) I need time to grieve and I need time to rest. Neither will come soon and I plog along.... Today I ushered my girls off to their first day of school and attempted to catch up on my own school work. I think I read paragraphs ten times in a row and still didn't comprehend them. I think that I attempted to finish my unpacking five times - finally - moments before sitting down to journal - finishing the task. I think that I attempted to take a shower three times today and finally - not wanting to look at my pathetic appearance in the mirror anymore - turned on the water and hopped in. I think - I want to knit - but sit with the needles in my lap and stare - my mind blank. I think I want to scrapbook (and I do - want to make mini album of my mom) but only suceed at sitting at my table staring at the cardstock. I think that I want to read (not my school book) and only suceed at looking at the wall holding the book. I think that I want to sleep - but I am trapped by insomnia.

My girls sat a the table this afternoon and made grampy cards inviting him up to visit - and I wanted to cry - but couldn't.

I have cards from co-workers and professional friends - openned but not read. I have thank you cards I have to fill out and send - but I can't seem to come up with the words. I have a bible study of psalms to continue - but find no comfort.

I am truly stuck on the side of the road of grief. I know that I am stuck in the Anger mode and seem to have settled there from day one. I know that things will get better and I know that I need to keep plogging along. It is truly difficult and have a new respect for anyone going through the same process.

Thank you again for all your prayers, thoughts and emails. They are VERY appreciated by myself and my family!

Be Blessed!


Today was the first day of school for Rowan (ever - Kindegarten) and Natalie (Third Grade!). For details and lovely pictures go HERE!

Now onto the subject of this post......

I finally got home to see my package awaiting my arrival. What a package indeed. I got in late last night and just now got unpacked. In the corner of my room was this box that my hubby set aside for me...... My Secret Pal is SO AWESOME!!!!!! An Angel from God!!!!

I eagerly openned it - a bright spark of light in my apartment this morning......

The box held alot.... more than I could imagine!!!!!!!

I LOVE MY BAG!!!!!!!!! It is so cute!!!!!!!!

Just look at all the goodies!!!!!!! Check out the hello kitty for the girls..... They have already laid claim to it!!!!!! and the bath scrubby!!!!! The book - I so need that book right now!

Here is a BONUS bag - that I love. I am finding a NEW passion for ORANGE!!!!! Orange and lime green - go well together don't you think?

And this cute lil organizer.....

LOVE these stitch markers.....

Toe up technique that I can't wait to try......

I can't tell you how much this put a smile on my face!!!!!

Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you thank you!!!!